“Everybody is Somebody’s Somebody:” Healing Happens in Unexpected Ways

In January of 2022, my marriage ended. I was completely devastated. I felt like the life I had dreamed for my family had crumbled into a pile of rubble that was impossible to rebuild. The many months that followed were some of the worst I’ve ever experienced – foggy, and heartbroken and hopeless. But my 3 kids were little and needed to be driven to school, to be fed, and to come home to a mom who was at least pretending to be ok. So I picked up a habit of drinking an extra caffeinated, jumbo gas station coffee every morning in my effort to survive the day. I’d often get the same cashier at the gas station store, and usually, we didn’t talk at all. All I knew about him was the name on his name tag: Donnovan.

But there was a random Tuesday when I had finished dropping off the carpool and was headed to work for a day full of meetings. My mind was reeling and I was just barely holding it together. That morning, of all mornings, Donnovan asked, “How are you doin’ today, miss?” I looked up into his kind face, caught totally off guard, and it was like a dam burst. I choked out the words, “I’m fine, thank you,” but it was obviously not true. Tears were streaming down my face, and I was two seconds from collapsing on the floor at the front of a very long line of morning customers. Oops.

Very quietly, without drawing any attention, Donnovan said to me, “You know, it’s ok to cry when you are sad. Sad things happen to us all. You are not alone, and you will get through this. And you can always come back another time if you want to talk.” That interaction was just enough to get me through that day. It gave me permission to sit in the car for a moment and bawl my eyes out before returning to my responsibilities. It didn’t fix my marriage, or my heartbreak, but it was a moment of respite from the exhaustion of grief.

When you come to Cypress trainings, you might hear us say, “Everybody is Somebody’s Somebody.” What we mean is, you never really know when someone might need you. It may be your best friend, a family member, your neighbor, or a complete stranger. But knowing what to say – having the skills and tools to support someone going through a tough time – that’s something all of us can use. That Tuesday, Donnovan was my “somebody.” Just by taking the time to ask, and to give reassurance, he offered me a moment of healing and hope. You are somebody’s somebody too, and even in the smallest of actions, you have an opportunity to provide comfort.